Today...

Today has been one of those days where I want to just freeze time and soak in every moment. I normally don't post things like this on my blog but this is the closest I get to journaling so I figured I better write it down. I feel like I have been on the brink of tears (good tears) all day and I have a million emotions running through my head. Today, being a mom has been perfect. Don't get me wrong, being a mom is hard work and some days and weeks I want to scream. Last week was one of them. Deacon got shots on Monday and later that night was throwing up and completely lethargic to the point of not being able to wake him.

 If you know Deacon, you know this is completely out of the ordinary for him. Tuesday I woke up feeling completely nauseated and Deacon continued to be sick with vomiting, diarrhea, lethargy, fussiness, and no appetite for the whole week. I was nauseated and so tired all week. I think Deacon and I took 3 hour naps for 3 days straight. Sounds like morning sickness right...well no I am not pregnant but it did make me a little apprehensive about going through that again! Alan left on Thursday for a residency interview and left both Deacon and I sick at home. He came back on Friday night and woke up with a fever, chills, and an achy body on Saturday. Luckily, we were all feeing much better on Sunday! So maybe it takes hard weeks to make you really appreciate the good ones but I woke up today feeling so grateful for my little family. Deacon is at such a fun age. Don't get me wrong he loves to tantrum but he can also be such a sweetheart and brings so much joy into our home. We have this silly little nerf gun that he has recently taken an interest in. He loves when we shoot it and then he runs and gets the bullets. Well this morning, he was laughing hysterically as Alan shot the gun, Deacon ran and got the bullet, and then came running past me as I tried to tickle him on his way back to Alan. So simple, yet I felt like the luckiest person in the world. I wanted time to stand still. 

And then today at lunch I felt the same thing. Since Deacon was little I have played this game where I will hide behind the counter while he's eating in his highchair and then pop out at him. Well today he thought it was the funniest and most fun game in the world. He would not let me stop doing it and every time I would stop to take a breath he would start to pout and cry. Oh how I love being his mom and making him happy. I truly would do anything for this boy.

 Lately, he is so obsessed with both the blender and magic bullet. They are practically the only "toys" he wants to play with. He is so good at pretend play and he loves smoothies so he is constantly pretending to make smoothies in his blender. He imitates the exact same actions that we do when we make smoothies and he does this little sound pretending that the blender is on. This is also the same sound he makes if he wants the blender or if he wants a smoothie. He is such a crack up. So although I'm praying my blender doesn't get broken before this phase is over, I never want this phase to end because it is absolutely perfect. 

March is a big month for our family. Not only is it our 4 year anniversary but we are headed to Hawaii and planning to leave Deacon. I think I almost threw up just writing it down. Every night before bed I nearly have a panic attack just thinking about it. Not living near family and not really having anyone to watch Deacon, we have only left him a handful of times for only a couple of hours. I am sooo nervous and sooo excited at the same time. Anyway, the day before we leave for Hawaii, Alan will find out if he has been matched with one of the 3 residency programs he interviewed with in Utah. It is extremely competitive and we feel so blessed he was able to get the 3 interviews he did. This is another reason I am on the brink of tears. I am so proud of Alan for working like crazy for the past 4 years. He has accomplished so much! We are hoping he gets a residency because it will open up many doors in the future for his career but we are so happy he has some other awesome options if a residency doesn't work out. I always thought I would be devastated if we didn't move back to Utah but I am realizing lately that I would be completely fine if we didn't. Yes, I love Utah and I love that our family is in Utah but I can honestly say I have loved living away. I was scared to death to move to little Pocatello but I can honestly say I know we were supposed to move here and it has been the best thing we have ever done. This is really the only home we have ever known since being married. My heart breaks thinking about moving away from the first home we bought together and the home we became a family of 3. The place where we became parents and learned how to be parents on our own because we didn't have any family around to help us. I never knew how refreshing it would feel to move to a place where you don't know anyone and you have the chance to make that place your home. I never thought I would fall in love with Pocatello but I did. I do miss having a decent mall, restaurants, Target, Hobby Lobby, and FAMILY but I can honestly say I will miss Pocatello. But I am excited about the new adventure that lies ahead of us, wherever that may be. So wish us luck as we wait on pins and needles...oh and did I mention Alan will be done with Pharmacy School in 3 weeks! Words can't express my excitement!!!